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NuciComs

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[I just made a status update, but in case journals show up easier for some idk anymore-- just duplicated. Keep having people miss one or the other so BOTH!]



⭐️ Slowly queuing up more posts. ⭐️

😫 Sorry, it's been a really rough time and my health both mentally and physically has been poor. Depression grip has been way too strong among other things... But I AM alive and working on art as I can. I'm just not really able to be too active and social between work, fatigue, and shitty signal at home. I don't really update all that often through status or journals because... I feel like a broken record at this point... and the shitty signal lag lol

☕️ KOFI :: PayPal 💲

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Stroke

1 min read

Hello my lovelies! I apologize for up and disappearing for a bit there, I was kept in the hospital all of July and only recently was released home. I apparently had a stroke...

Which is a massive surprise to me, considering I'm not even 35 yet.

Anyway I've been released home now and am undergoing my at home therapy. So I'm getting some mobility back on my right side (which had all wiped during my stroke). I'm not sure how long it'll be before I'm back to actively drawing, but as soon as I have new work to post I will post it!

Thank you all for your patience and support.

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Update?!

3 min read

TL;DR: Sorry I've been chronically offline. Life hasn't been kind at all, yet.


Mental health has been a struggle, especially thanks to spine and nerve issues and physical health leading to even more financial crisis. Plus I don't have reliable signal to be online often. So I apologize for the bouts of silence. Twitter has been easiest for me since it's lower bandwidth, so if y'all want to keep track feel free to visit my account over there: https://twitter.com/NuciComs

I haven't had much art to post either. I've been at a crawl with art since I only have Sat/Sun to work on it alongside every other non-job related chore, errand, etc and pain has been hampering progress, but I am trying to get more done. I apologize for those of you who've been awaiting delivery for far too long. I know many of you have been so incredibly kind and patient, and only a handful of you are annoyed and fed up. But all I can do is say that I'm sorry, I'm trying to stay alive right now, and I'm working on the backlog as I can. (Which reminds me I need to queue up some of the finished ones on here...)


So, while I'm feeling like I can address it; I know for a couple of you that I've already explained this to, isn't enough and you're just angry or disappointed. That cuts deep and is part of why I hesitate to even post or pipe up on here, tbh. I'm ashamed that my body can't function enough for me to make progress faster. I'm ashamed that some of you have been waiting for literally months/years for parts of your orders. Despite me knowing I'm doing my best, that doesn't make it any easier to accept I'm such a failure at what I used to be able to juggle. So having to come from a week of my dayjob where I'm literally screamed at, harassed, and threatened for product shortages or delivery issues, or this and that as if it's specifically my fault... to coming online and being fussed at about delivering orders... it has a VERY negative affect on my mental health. I'm not saying that it isn't completely valid for you to be disappointed. It is completely reasonable. I'm not trying to make anyone out to be some villain, either. I'm just explaining why I cannot handle it and why I answer and explain once then kinda just... keep apologizing or falling silent.


But I'm also recognizing that isn't fair to the ones that are understanding and supportive who want to see more updates and uploads. Even the ones that are understanding but still upset. So again, I'm working on the mental health aspect of trying to not just cry in a ball and avoid indefinitely. Crying through typing out replies is still progress... lol

For those who want to know more of wtf has been happening even in just 2023, it's been everything from having a pinched nerve under a herniated disc and finding out I need spine surgery, to being evacuated for nearly a month while having covid again... to just being so emotionally and physically burnt out I am only getting out of bed because I have people relying on me. I don't remember what it's like to enjoy recreation, because I cannot tune out the guilt of expectations, plus being limited by pain and money and... yeah.


Here's some previous postings that'll explain all that more since this is long and depressing enough;

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Update; For those who can/would like to help with the bills struggle: https://flow.page/helpnuci


------


Sorry that updates this last half year have been even more scarce than before. Obviously my plans to be more active fell through, and for that I apologize. I genuinely had the best of intentions and ideas and just... ugh. It has not been a good time here, though I suppose that's the case just about everywhere in the USA right now (and beyond?).


From fires and their smoke suffocating me, to husband having more emergency surgeries, to me falling down a flight of stairs, and being the only employee at the entire clinic I'm at beyond the doctor's daughter, etc etc... it's been a really, really rough year. I thought once the surgery happened and I healed, I'd be on my feet towards having a better go at life -- and in some regards, I have! Physically I'm doing better than I had been in decades. Still have my injuries for my shoulder and back, and my mental struggles with depression and anxiety, the doctors side of things is at a crawl due to the shortages (and tbh money issues), but I'm at least able to function daily now. The problem is the world is full of bitter, angry people that think it's ok to come in and threaten, shove, and curse at the person trying to help them via customer service. It's kinda... reversed a lot of the trauma-abuse progress I had made, by sending me into PTSD cycles multiple times a week. I didn't realize how badly affected I still was until these past few months of trying to assert some confidence.



So I apologize for the lack of communication. I've been working 10-14 hours a day M-F just to come home and crawl into bed to recover enough to go and do it again. I still haven't incorporated any recreation time and that's taken a huge toll on me, too. But I also battle feeling selfish if I don't work on the weekends too, because I'm not making ends meet and I owe so much for so many. So it's just... a vicious cycle. And I've been burnt out. Because of how I'm treated during the day, the moment I summon up the strength to check in and update, I see someone angry about the delays and I just mentally withdraw and shut down. That's not fair to the majority of you that have been so incredibly patient with me, but I also don't really have the strength right now to counter it like I used to. I'm so beat down mentally and physically I'm just extremely fragile and I'm doing the best I can with it. Staying alive and not 100% giving up has been the best I can do some days. (I'm not able to admit that lightly.)


But I felt like it was long overdue I confessed all this. Whether it seems like a sob story to some or not, I need to accept I can't control that and all I can do is my best. And part of that is being honest about my situation: I am not well. I haven't been for a long time, despite trying to seem optimistic. I'm going to continue to try doing my best and survive until I can actually be "ok" at some level, but for now I just want to thank those of you who haven't given up on me or aren't hating me for being a "never-ending tragedy" at this point.


I don't really want to make this any more depressing and lengthy than it is, so I'll just leave it at this: Thank you for being understanding, for all the support and help throughout the past several years, and for those who will continue to do so when I'm back to being active. I have too much love for my chosen family to actually intentionally self harm, so don't worry about that. I just need some time to get shit going uphill instead of down.


As always, I wish you all well my lovelies. Please take care of yourselves, and I'll try to be back and in better spirits soon.


EDIT: Small bit I forgot; since my internet at home is limited to my spotty phone service, I AM a bit more active on my Twitter feed: https://twitter.com/NuciComs

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Survived covid, we've moved, we're safe -- now I just have to gain some funds for necessities and furniture!


Car blowing a tire right off kinda... set back a bit too. Not to mention... need to invest in satellite internet since apparently that's our ONLY OPTION HERE. I never thought I'd face this again since moving out of the ol' farmlands in VA but... HERE WE ARE! LOL Mobile signal is spotty at best, but I'm doing my best to update here.


Anyway... since I work 60 hours a week and I'm still way behind on catching up; I can't re-open commissions. So, I'm going to try and populate my Gumroad store a little more! If you'd like to help your girl out, there's a few ways that'd be absolutely great!!! I'll make this short and sweet so, here's a link to some ways to help out if you can! Otherwise, signal boosting is greatly appreciated. :heart:

Hamtaro Mouse Emoji-02 (Kawaii) [V1]

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon- Arrow right https://flow.page/helpnuci Pokemon Mystery Dungeon- Arrow left


Also note; I'm not trying to guilt or beg or anything. We'll survive without!!! This is purely for those of you who have been asking how you can help out of the kindness of your hearts! :love:

But I wanted to make it very clear this is not a desperation plea, we have food and shelter. So we'll survive!


Thank you lovelies! I hope that you're all doing well!!

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